I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
