but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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