you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
