She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
