I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
