he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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