Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
