I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
