That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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