i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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