My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
