Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
