i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
