I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
