I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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