I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
