I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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