I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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