he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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