Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
