My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
