he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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