so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize