Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
