the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
