What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
