You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
