I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
