i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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