somebody snuck up and got me drunk
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
