Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
