Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
