theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
