FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
