Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
