What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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