The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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