Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
