I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
