i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
