My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
