On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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