Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
