I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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