3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
