All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize