its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
