I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
