i think my tv is drunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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