whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
