hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
