I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
