Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
