Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
