im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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