I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
