Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
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i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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