I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think I just sharted jello shots
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
