I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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