you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
