I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
