Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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