Don't you send me to vm
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
