So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
