Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
