Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
