It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
